If you are a graphic designer, you’re supposed to be creative, you’re supposed to dress funky, you’re supposed to have crazy deadlines, you’re supposed to have clients who want the logo bigger and you’re supposed to be used to almost everyone treating your profession as second class pretty-boy work. Male graphic designers – at least in the country I live in – are considered somewhat of a joke – obviously always behind their backs. Female graphic designers are supposed to the “homely” kind who aren’t supposed to protest when a male client asks them over for a meeting and proceeds to invite them to Lonavala for a weekend getaway. They’re supposed to smile meekly and say yes while accepting the cheque.

If you’re getting married, you’re supposed to be doing the Big Fat Indian wedding. The seven circles round the so-called sacred fire, the traditional 9-yard long sari, the choreographed sangeet – one from the groom’s side and one from the bride’s side, the reception with nothing less than a 1,000 people on the guest list, the alcohol on the menu, the exorbitant wardrobe shopping for not only the bride and the groom but the immediate family – stocked with designer couture that they will wear only once. INR 62,000 for a Ritu Kumar lehenga to be endured [ you can't wear it without scratching and cutting and bleeding your skin in hundreds of places because of the ridiculous zari work and other embellishments ] for precisely two to three hours on the day of the wedding.

You have to be fucking kidding me. She’s never EVER going to wear it again. And don’t go on about how it’s a sacrifice for the most important day in your life. I’m divorced. I know how important that day is. And I’d much rather invest the INR 8,00,000 that the parents insist on spending on ONE day of the wedding into some mutual funds or just fucking put it in a simple bank account or fixed deposit – it’ll take care of the rent for the next +4 years. Wouldn’t parents be happier if the bride and groom can live peacefully for four years without having to worry where the rent’s coming from? Especially when the parents themselves had no money when they got married and were turned down by so-called family when they wanted to borrow money to purchase a refrigerator?

A thousand people will come for the reception, eat like pigs without any appreciation for the food because as the hosts, we would not have paid any attention to the food ourselves. When there’s a thousand mouths to feed, you don’t think about how many spices you can taste in the food – you tell the caterer to cut costs and kaam chalao. The next morning all that food is anyways going to be flushed down the toilet.

Just because it is tradition and a billion other people follow it with their eyes, ears and mouths closed, does not mean it’s right for me – or right for them either. But I’m not really concerned about the billions. I’m concerned about me. When law and order cannot prevent the rape of a woman on the streets in the national capital city, what fucking right does anyone have to pressure me into what career I can choose or how I can get married or what car I can drive and what clothes I can wear?

I love my family but in no way does that mean that I have to be their clone. If they expect that, they should get their heads checked. I do as I please and I live for me. Just as they did and continue to.

Special Marriage Act allows any two individuals to marry (including intercast marriages), irrespective of their religion, caste and nationality. It even applies to people living abroad, with Indian nationality. Therefore, any marriage under the Special Marriage Act is a Civil Marriage by registration. However, there are some conditions to be fulfilled under this act.

Neither party should have a living husband or wife.
Neither party should be a lunatic or insane.
The bridegroom should not be less than 21 years of age whereas the bride must be 18 years old.
The parties should not be involved in any prohibited relationship.
Both parties should be the citizens of and domiciled within the territories mentioned in the Act.

Marriage Ceremony

Notice must be given by the bride and bridegroom to the Marriage Officer of the district, with one of them residing immediately previous to the notice for atleast 30 days.
Marriage Officer records the notice and sends a copy to the Marriage Officer of the District.
30 days time is given for any person to raise any objections to the intended marriage.
From the date of receipt of any objections, the Marriage Officer should enquire into the same, within 30 days.
If the objections are found valid, either party to the intended marriage may appeal to the District Court, whose decision shall be binding.
In case there is no objection or the objection is rejected, the parties with 3 witnesses sign in presence of the Marriage Officer, declaring they are unmarried and are not related within prohibited degrees.
The marriage is then solemnized in any form which parties choose to adopt. The form must have the following declaration by each party to the effect; “I take thee to be my lawful wife (or husband).” The parties and 3 witnesses then sign the certificate of solemnization. This certificate is conclusive certificate of solemnization.
The solemnization should be completed within 3 months from the date of notice, failing which the notice lapses and a new notice needs to be issued.

Once there, you need to go to the Deputy Commissioner’s Office.

Once there, you need to meet with the DC’s Reader. His / Her assistants and typists will then proceed to tell you how it’s done.

The office is open from 9 a.m. till 5 p.m. and lunch is said to be from 1:30 p.m. till 2 p.m. although you might find them gone before that and coming in earlier than expected or vice versa.

Bharat & I didn’t want the whole shebang that comes with a traditional Indian BIG FAT wedding, hence the court seemed a convenient option – and it IS convenient.

You will need the following things done / documents / etc.

• One of the applicants should be a resident of Gurgaon.
• Notice of Marriage. [ the office will fill this in. You basically need to get a Rs. 25 ticket / stamp - not stamp paper - stuck on an empty sheet of paper and give it to the DC's office.
• Proof of Date of Birth for both. [ Passport, Tenth School certificate, etc. ]
• Proof of residence of both. [ Passport, Ration Card, Voter ID Card, Electricity Bill, Credit Card Bill etc. ]
• Marriage Notice fees of Rs. 90 to be paid through Treasury Challan.
• Notice to be witnessed by 3 persons.
• Witnesses will also require to bring in proof of residence and ID cards.
• Witnesses need to be present on the day of submitting the application for marriage AND also on the day of the marriage – same witnesses.
• Fees details letter. [ This also the DC's office will print out for you. You need to affix a blank sheet of paper with a Rs. 10 stamp - not a postal stamp but a legal 'Ticket' available somewhere near Gate Three near the courts - you WILL have to ask around for the Ticket Vendors. There is no way in hell I can give accurate directions. ]
• Affidavit by bride and groom on stamp paper of Rs. 10 [ this is a stamp paper, not a stamp on a blank sheet of paper ]. This needs to be attested by the notary public.
• Three photographs each of the bride and groom and each of the three witnesses.
• Four envelopes with requisite regular postal stamps to send notice to home address of applicants and to the Marriage office of the district – in this case, Gurgaon. You can find out who the marriage officer is for Gurgaon by asking at the DC’s office.
• After the application, the Tehsildar will verify that one of the applicants is staying in Gurgaon. The file will move further only if the verification report reaches the DC’s court. I’ve been told this can be an issue sometimes but I will only be able to report this once I’ve reached this stage.
• Applications SHOULD NOT be staying at one place – not under one roof.
• If the above process is not completed within three months of filing the application – for any reason whatsoever – all of the above will need to be repeated.
• Publication in National Newspaper. There is an ‘ad’ guy who sits in the DC’s office who should be able to do it conveniently – we’ve been told. I don’t know yet how much it costs.
• Notice period : 30 days from the day of the application. So you wait for 30 days after you’ve applied and then present yourself at the DC’s court to get ‘married’.

So far, that’s the deal.

Today was trip number ONE to the Mini Secretariat. The typist in the DC’s office was helpful but she failed to mentioned that tickets / stamps are not the same as stamp paper and the guy selling stamp paper smoothly palmed over stamp paper for Rs. 150 instead of the two required stamp papers of Rs. 10 plus tickets of Rs. 35 in total. He also hand-wrote our names wrongly on all documents. Nothing should be written on any of the documents except the Rs. 10 affidavits, bride’s name on one and groom’s name on one. That’s it. To get that sorted, I’m going to make trip number TWO.

I’ve also checked dates from my witnesses – they should be available for both the application & the actual marriage – and I’ve asked them to get the passport-size photographs as well.

Talking in Hindi helps. I think. It helps even more if you throw in a Haryanvi accent. Since I am a Jat, the accent comes automatically. People are overall quite nice – they might not be as lucid as you’d want them to be. If the prospective groom is on his own, he’s probably going to have more trouble getting stuff done. Take your girl along.

The car park costs Rs. 10. It’s a short dusty walk. Even though the office timings are 9-5, you won’t find many of the top officials coming in before 10 a.m. The clerks / typists / peons tend to come on time.

More later!